My most Beautiful Princess 👸🏼🕊️

 

My most Beautiful Princess 👸🏼🕊️

I wish I could have seen what I was doing wrong at the times or even before the times I did those things.  I am sorry.  Please forgive me.

Please be patient with me.

I know that you don't want to talk to me or be around me or know me.  But I'm asking you to please relax, know that I would NEVER do anything to ever harm you, and that I cherish you more than anything on this planet.  You are the most cherished girl.

There is nothing in this world that I love or care about or cherish or adore more than you.  You are the girl of my Dreams.

I already spoke about the things that led to this point, I won't rehash any of those things now.

How am I doing?   well... professionally I'm moving forward.  But, personally, without you every day is gray, bleak, sad, unhappy.   Without you there is no warmth or light in my Life.  You are so sweet and sensitive and pure and innocent.  You are the highlight of my Life.

I really tried everything I could to make you feel comfortable even though I failed miserably at times.  I know all the things that you probably still hold against me, but I'm asking you to let those go.  I know those things are bad, and I didn't mean to do those things, I didn't know what decisions to make, I was confused, angry, upset.  I didn't know what to do.

Every day it hurts even worse.  even more.  I can't shake you out of my head.  and I know that you didn't want me to talk to you.  I know you didn't even want to know me anymore.  I know that you even forced it.  But.  Every day I think about that I have to find a way for you to at least just talk to me.

I never meant to do those things or say those things to you that made you feel like it was impossible to communicate with me.  I was just upset, I was in a bad mood.  I missed you.  I just wanted to know why you didn't want to see me or why you needed so much space.  You could have told me and I would have understood.  I would have been patient, but it was hard.

I just wanted to give you a rose and wine.  I never came up with the intentions of making you feel uncomfortable or not respecting your space.

I know that you were upset that I didn't give you space for 2 weeks, and that's the reason you blocked me.  But I wish you would tell me when  you blocked me and why.  I don't understand why it was so hard for you to communicate with me.  The only reason I was sending you messages was just because I wanted you to reply, so that I could ask you how long you needed space from me so that I could leave you alone and respect it.  I just wanted you to come back to me.  I didn't want to lose you 😭😭

Maybe there was other things happening in your Life.  I didn't want you to go back to your ex.  I wanted you to choose me.  And stay with me, be with me, be mine.

I want you to be mine.  And I want to be yours.

I know that I did things that made you upset with me, but I want you to tell me all the things that I did that made you upset with me so that I can know what they are, so that I can change them.  I want to be the best person for you, as a spouse.  I want to be the best Man that God could have ever given you, and no matter the changes I have to make in Life, I will change everything.

I know I'm not perfect.  And there are probably many things you saw about me that you didn't like.  I know.  There are many things I've changed since you left me.  But I always fear there's still many more things I have to change.  Every day I'm looking inside me, to change everything I can.

I wish I could just tell you all the things you have to hear from me to soften up enough just to say hi.  I know I did things wrong.  But just even hearing a hi from you would make my Life so happy.  

The news has been so bleak lately.  There's a bunch of very serious news incidents I've covered online.  There is a race war now.  The blacks are targeting little white girls and have been murdering and attacking them all over the states.  Iryna Zarutska was a little blond girl, just like you, and some filthy fkn nggr stabbed her in the neck 3 times.  Nobody did anything to help or save her.  She was all alone.  The look of fear on her face haunts me, and I have to make this right.  She was all alone, and she cried.  withing 12 secs she had already fallen down on her face on the floor of the train and bled out and died.  She was precious.  A precious beautiful girl, a princess, just like you.  I am so ANGRY and furious about this situation.  If I had been on that train and saw that nggr acting weird I would have stopped him, neutralized him and prevented the attack.  I would have saved her.  But I wasn't there, so there was nothing that I could do.

The news is all bad these days.  A lot of the things happening out there in the world caused so much stress on me.  I feel that when you met me I was in so much stress.  Stress from work.  Stress from Life.  Stress from all the bad news constantly coming in from the world.  Stress from the neighborhood.  The neighborhood used to be clean, peaceful, happy and quiet.  But at the time that you met me I had been fighting all the trash and criminals for years.  It was starting to get cleaned up and quieting down after the new Governor Keith got elected... but also because I had been hammering those streets 24hrs every day and night for years.  They were really bad about the 9mos before you met me.  They were still a little bit bad around the time that things were happening before you left me.  But lately it's been quieter... and hopefully it will get even more quiet.  I have had to deal with a few incidents lately... but it's much more quiet.

I never wanted you to leave.  I loved you so much.  It was perfect that you lived above me, it was so convenient.  You were so close to me.  I loved your house, your house was perfect.  You are such a simple beautiful girl.  You really did make such an impression on me.  I miss you, I miss your house.  I miss being with you.  And I loved your tapestry on your wall, it was a perfect depiction of the type of maiden I see you as.

I finally got my house cleaned up and tidied and organized awhile back, now I'm just tidying it even more, getting out any unnecessary items.  and then going to be organizing it with industrial shelves, and renovating everything.

I want slate bathroom tiled walls.  and get a jacuzzi tub in there.  I'm going to be painting everything slate gray.  The bathroom will have a nature theme.  And I have ivy's on my walls, and put twinkle lights around my doorways.  I am decorating everything to be cozy and simple, just like your house.  And I'm going to be organizing my home office as food storage, and also storage for engines and components for my motorcycles.

I got my patio tidied and cleaned up.  The other building has completed it's exterior construction and finally took out all the scaffolding.  So now it's open.  I got it all organized so it's looking much better.

I wish that you would just talk to me, that's all I want.  Even if you don't want to see me.  I want to develop a healthy relationship with you.  I'm really upset at myself that I lost you.  In one of the poems that I wrote to you, I wrote that "I feel like no matter what I do, I'm going to fuck all of this up..." because I had such a feeling.

I never was aggressive in the beginning around you.  I want to explain the situation about our conversation with children.  I don't hate good children.  I was just under so much stress, and when we started that conversation I couldn't stop thinking about all the bad kids and bad parents that go to the grocery stores when I'm just trying to find pasta and sauces, and all the screaming and fits and the parents don't even control their children or leave them at home.  With all the stress, with all the bad news in the world, and such undisciplined children and bad parents I just got in a bad space in my mind.  I didn't mean for you to see me get angry like that.  I have so many frustrations.

I never meant to make you feel unsafe.  You are always safe around me, no matter what mood I get in.  Even if I'm upset or angry about something.

Also the things I said about that feminist, I know that you would tell me, "no you were dead serious about all of that..."  Yes.  I may have been dead serious about my feelings at that moment in time...  but that doesn't mean I would have done what I said should be done to them.  I can explain.  The reason I got so angry is because all the stupid shit they've done in politics led to Iryna's death.  That's why I was so angry about it.  But that takes a lot deeper dives in news and politics to even understand why I was so upset.

If you had given me her address I probably would have found a way to have her fired instead.  Or gone and made it impossible for her to function in society or get to work or until she moved.    I would have thought about different solutions.  I would have calmed down.

But all you saw me was mad.

And I didn't mean what I said about your father.  I said that because I was angry about how he was treating you.  And I was angry that he made you unhappy.  I would never hurt your father baby.  I was trying to use dark humour to cheer you up, but instead it made you distance yourself from me and made you not even want to talk to me or know me, it backfired.

I could tell something was different.  When you came down with me, and were laying down before you went home, when I went to kiss you, you wouldn't kiss me, you tightened your lips.  So I let you be.  I wanted to kiss you, but it's because of what I did, you distanced yourself from me.  At that point I was already trying to think of what I needed to do to fix the situation.  But I couldn't figure it out.

You told me that you needed to heal.  I know.  I wanted you to heal.  But I couldn't figure out exactly what it was that you needed to heal from.  I asked you but you wouldn't tell me.  I could only assume that it may have been a mixture of things or just one thing.  Maybe you meant you needed to heal because of all the negativity you experienced with me those different days.  or maybe it's because your ex was messaging you and you yearned to get back together with him.

I just wanted to know the things that you needed to heal from.  If you had told me I would have listened and understood no matter what my opinions or feelings were about it.  I always want to listen to you, to everything you say.  I didn't mean for you to feel like I didn't listen to you sometimes.  I really do listen to you, maybe sometimes it's hard for me to understand how you want me to react about it... but I don't know any better all the time, and it helps if you clarify things.

When you came to me with the pregnancy test, it wouldn't have even mattered to me if it was positive babe.  I Love you.  I want my children to be with you.  I want you to be the mother of all my children.  When you were so worried about being pregnant it made me feel bad, because I wanted you to be as happy about children as I would have been if you were pregnant.  I will always feed my children, make sure they're safe and disciplined, and I would never harm them.  I would never be abusive despite the things I said in that previous discussion.  I was just upset at that time.

When you said you wanted to go to Church with me, you took the words right out of my mouth.  Because that week I was going to bring up that conversation.  I wanted to go to Church with you.  Meeting you made me realize that God does answer prayers and give miracles.  And I hadn't been to church for a long time.  And I always wanted to go each week.  I just hadn't for awhile because I had been so busy, and I was just tired of Life.  Usually I go every week.  But I also hate suits and dress clothes.  I only dress in them if I go to clubs, or church, and it is uncomfortable.  But if you ever wanted me to wear dressy clothes or that's what you like I would for you.

But I wanted to go to Church with you.  I wanted to get married to you in the Church across from us.  I would have meant all my vows.  I would never let you go.  There are so many things that I wanted to do for you.  I wanted to be the best Man that God could have ever given you, an answer to all your prayers.

But I failed that.

I feel like the shadow spirits were affecting both of us in different ways because they knew exactly what to do to both of us to break us up.  Remember, I told you in bed, that those shadow spirits were sent by satan to break us up.  I just didn't know what would happen.  But literally in the last 3 weeks of our relationship I watched as everything I tried to keep, everything I worked hard to keep together come unraveling and every day it felt harder to keep it together.

One time you asked me, "so you just give up on people...?"   baby.  the Answer is, no.  I don't ever give up on anything or anybody.  The reason I said I wanted to just give up on Eric was because there is only so much that somebody can take before they throw in the towel and just give up.   with me, many times I will just give up if I'm truly fed up with things.  Then go lay down and get rest for a long time and think about ways to make things work, and will go back and try again.

I always try again. 

If I have goals, I never give up.    but if I do, it's usually temporary.

but... you weren't patient enough with me.  If you had been patient, in time I would have clarified these things, I would have expounded on them.

I don't like giving up, and if it makes you understand a bit better...  when I was a child at 4yo I swore to God that I would convert the most souls to Christ and get as many souls saved as possible, even the ones lost in darkness.  I would go get the most lost, and bring them back to Christ.  Those were my promises to God when I was 4yo. 

and all the way till this day, I am STILL on that mission.  I have always tried to live my Life as close as possible to everything that Jesus and the prophets said.  As close to everything that God said.  I have always wanted to be perfect.  But I know I'm not. 

Maybe I drink too much.  So, maybe I need to tone down my drinking a bit, which I have (primarily because I run out of money... and have no choice).   I think I drink so much because I'm sad.  Because I'm unhappy, or stressed, or I hate this world.

I hate this world, this world is evil.  I'm surrounded by idiots everywhere in a world full of criminals, liars, thieves, and human trash.  Every day I have to deal with this shit on the news, and every day I have to deal with it posting news and updates to my followers and audience.   It gets exhausting.  and in order to correct anything or fix the world it takes crazy ass amounts of work.  I have to be able to convert others to my views, and it requires understanding of psychology and human behaviour down to it's core.  It's a LOT of work, a lot of stress.  Much of this I feel bled over into our relationship when I didn't want it to.

But the stress at the time that you met me, all the stress I was going through I feel really affected our relationship.  I thought about me having weapons around me, I always do.  But I feel like maybe it made you feel uncomfortable.  You have to understand I deal with burglars and break-ins all the time.  That's why I have to have weapons around me.  And especially with all the evil crimes happening today I always have to make sure that I am properly equipped and prepared at all times.  You never know when something seriously dangerous or crazy is going to happen.  or if there's a devastation.  We could get bombed at any time.  Russia could launch nukes while we're asleep.  Burglars home invaders could be dangerous criminals or bold and break in.  You cannot predict the future, we must always be prepared at all times.

But I also thought about how it might make you feel unsafe and uncomfortable.  So I moved my weapons out of the way so they were not in view because I did not want you to ever feel unsafe.  Even with guns in my house you are always safe.  Even with knives in my house you are always safe.

I would NEVER EVER EVER lift a finger at you ever.  Remember all the times I was ever angry or upset, it was never at you or about you.  It was about other things or other people, and it was also during a time when I was under extreme amounts of stress.

I was dealing with burglars, break-ins, drug addicts, tweakers, fentanyl addicts, all sorts of criminals and trash.  After awhile you get stressed and anxious.  Many nights I wasn't able to get sleep, I was up all night and sleep deprived which stressed me out even more.  We had burglars try to break into Erik's office, and I missed them because I passed out from exhaustion watching surveillance.

You really did meet me at such a bad time in my Life  😞

And this was something I was aware of, but didn't talk about because I thought I could pull the relationship out of the nose dive I felt it was in.

I wanted to get our relationship good again, back on track.  But every time I tried to make it better you kept pulling back even more.   At this point I feel like all this happened because your ex messaged you saying he "wanted to get back together" and you had more affinity to him because you were with him for 9yrs before you met me.

but that's just an educated suspicion.  I really did wish that you would have communicated with me more and better.  and gotten closer to me.  You could have been honest about anything, and even if I had gotten upset I would have listened.

I wanted us to work out.  Out of all the girlfriends I ever had, you were the one I wanted to spend the rest of my Existence with.  I wanted me and you to be together, grow old together, have a large family together, get all our Dreams, all the fanciest houses, nicest cars, cabins, and get away from the world.  And when we die from old age in our sleep be reunited in Heaven and never separated.  You are everything to me.  You are my shining star in the night sky.  Without you I am lost in darkness forever.

I wish that you had the same feelings for me.  Every night I lay in my bed in the dark thinking and hoping that one day your heart will soften against me and that you will stop being scared of me, afraid of me, mad at me, upset at me, angry at me.  I don't know how you feel about me and I wish you would tell me so that I can figure out what I need to do to change it and fix our relationship.

I want to fix our relationship.  And I am completely willing to do and say all the things I need to do and say to make it work.  I Love you.

Beyond words I can even describe is how much I Love you.  I have never Loved anybody as much as I Love you.  I wanted to help you get your back fixed, and I still do.  I want to help you heal your Life.  and I want your Life to be WHOLE, and FULL.   I want you to have the happiest Life.

I wanted to go on hikes with you, and go camping in the wilderness.  I wanted us to be out under the stars in nature, enjoying nature, with your arms around me quietly falling asleep in my arms.  When you were so happy with your arms around me I knew that you had finally experienced bliss.  When you hugged me and threw your arms around me at the marina, I felt so at ease, so relaxed, so comfortable.  All my chasing and pursuing, I knew that you finally Truly loved me. 

That was the happiest day of my Life 😭😭😭😭

I could finally breath.   I could finally relax.  I felt secure.  I felt like no matter what our relationship was going to be good.   I felt like I knew that you would stick around with me, and that you truly liked me.

All the stupid little things I did, like being impatient at the grocery store when you were cleaning the cart, I should have never done that.  I should have been patient and smiled at you.  Cleaning the outer rim of the cart...  I was being lazy so just wiped the handles... but wiping around the rim of the cart is exactly what I always do... and I should have let you done it and never said anything.  I Love you.

I should have been respectful and only grabbed one pizza.  I didn't know how strapped you were on cash.  I should have had dough ready at my house, but I remember now that you were gluten free, so that wasn't even possible.  I would have to buy gluten free flour to make us the best pizzas ever.

I don't want to lose you!  I can't lose you!

I'm sorry for feeding the ducks your blueberry pancakes.  I would have bought you even more pancake mix even if it's expensive and more blueberries.  It's just that ducks don't ever get anything good, and I wanted them to taste the blueberry pancakes we made.  

I should have let you come help me make pancakes, so that we could bond.  But I am stuck in habits when cooking in kitchens I'm used to not having people "in my way"... but you would never be in my way.  I was just trying to get us out fast... but in the end it took me forever 😞

I feel like I was such a piece of shit to you.  So many things that I couldn't see.  Because I am blind.  I did so many things wrong.  No wonder you ran away from me and left me.  I wish I could fix all those things and go back in time and figure out what I did wrong, and fix them all.

There are so many things wrong with me.  And I'm sorry that you had to experience all of those.

I really do wish you would give me a second shot, and be willing to be patient with me.  I know there are so many things wrong with me.  But I really do try to do everything right.  That's why I said, "please if there is ever anything you don't like about me, or that you're upset about, please never be afraid to tell me, please tell me.  Because there are so many things wrong with me..."

And I can explain why, and I want to.  I want to tell you everything  😭😭

I wish you would message me.  so that I could tell you...

There are so many things bad that have happened to me in Life.  But even the whole way through, even when I felt like God is not answering any of my prayers, He answered one.   YOU.

YOU were everything I ever prayed for.  I had always been praying to God, "please God bring me a princess, a blond one, so pretty, so beautiful.  The girl that's in my Dreams..."  I had always prayed for you.  All my Life I had been looking for you.  Trying to find you.   

That's when I had that Dream.  That Dream I had told you about.  I had that Dream about 7 years before you met me.  That girl was you.  It was your face.  Even up close I could tell.  When you first met me, I was too busy concentrating on how I should behave, what I should say next.  But when we were alone in the office... that's when I remembered that Dream.  it came to me without me thinking about it... it had been so long it was far back in my head.  But something reminded me of it, something that wasn't me.  I felt like God had brought it up into the surface of my thoughts and told me to tell you...

but, we had just met.  and I was embarrassed.  I wanted to tell you so bad... but I didn't know what to do.  I wasn't going to tell you, in my head I said, "I shouldn't have even mentioned it..."  but... something kept telling me to tell you.  So I finally relented and that's when I made the decision that if God gave me that Dream, and wanted me to tell you, I should tell you.  And so I told you.

Something I noticed is when you said, "why wasn't my dress green?"

I had thought... "maybe her favourite colour is green... or maybe that is the colour that she would envision herself in if she was in an elegant dress...?"   The dress you were in was so pretty, it was just like Alice... but instead of being light blue, it was a deep shimmery blue.  you had white stockings on to your knees, and black shoes with the buckle straps across.  proper little black shoes.

Your hair was fine and brushed straight, and it was down to your middle section.  I remember your expression at me, you were smiling so big.  It was the brightest smile I ever saw on any girl.  I knew that you Loved me.  I knew that you were mine, and I was yours.

That Dream brought a lot of faith back in me back to God.  I knew from that Dream that God was still with me, even though He has been quiet for so long.  It also renewed my faith to keep fighting in this war on Earth against the Darkness.

so when I woke from that Dream I wrote everything down to all the littlest details.

I had also memorized that Dream, because I knew I was going to have to remember all that information for the future.  I had no idea how God would make it materialize... but he did.

The first day I saw you in the hallway I was already stunned.  I watched you and thought, "damn she is so beautiful... how am I going to meet this girl...?"

and then, another miracle.  You dropped your keys down the elevator shaft.

I remember you telling me, "it was so weird... it was like paranormal.  Something hit them out of my hands and I watched them falling in slow motion down the crack to the elevator shaft."

lol I remember... when I came walking out your expression was hilarious.  You were so unimpressed about the situation, I could tell you were exhausted.

The funniest thing too is I wasn't watching cams at that time... so when Erik called me I was like... "fuck! what now???"  I was exhausted from work all day and making dough.  and I just didn't want to be disturbed...   at the beginning I was going to tell him "no dude... I don't want to do anything..."  but he explained that "someone had dropped their keys down the shaft, and he needed me to go get them for them..."  he never even explained it was you or even described you.

so when I was walking out my door I was like, "god damnit..."  then when I walked out and saw you I froze in my heart...  it was YOU.

so I walked slowly trying to think about what I was going to say.  I had to think fast... and I had no idea what to say...  so I just bantered.   and you watched me with an unimpressed look on your face, I could tell you were tired.

but you kept your eyes on me.  and I noticed.

I could feel you watching me.  I know when you're staring at something you like or you want.  You did it to me again at the office the night you seduced me.  It is the best stare I can ever see in you.  Your eyes are on me like daggers and I can feel your intent.

that was fucking HOTT!

so I walked past you, unlocked the elevator, and did the whole thing...

when I got up, all I could think was to invite you.  maybe I should have asked for your number, or asked if you wanted to hang out sometime...  I just didn't know how best to go about that... but it worked out. 

I was amazed that you took initiative to come down and leave your number under my door.  I thought, "wow... she is extroverted.  and she actually came back and gave me a note..."  which I LOVED!  that was a very happy moment for me.  Because I knew you liked me.   and I had such HOTTS for you.  lol, and I loved how when you first came in your first compliment was "I like your hair."  lol... and I was like "oh shit she's complimenting me, so I have to compliment her" and I loved your hair.  Your crown braids were so pretty and so befitting you, cause you are my princess.  a beautiful maiden.

that first night...  I would have and even wanted to lean over to kiss you.  But I didn't because I didn't know how comfortable you would be, and you just met me... so I tried to entertain you.   I tried to find all the things I thought might be the most entertaining. 

I didn't mean to keep you up for so long, but I really didn't want that night to end.   

and I'm sorry for being so irresponsible keeping you up too late for too many nights and wanting to see you so much...  but it was because I wanted your company, I loved your company.

I loved your company more than any of my friends.  I don't like hanging out with men, it's boring.   I would rather be with my princess, fall asleep with my princess, cuddle with my princess, and whisper so many sweet things to you and hold you tight and squeeze you.

You make me so happy.  You are the most happy thing in my Life.  I know you need space, and I know we both have to have time apart... but.  It's hard, because I Love you so much.  I don't want to let you go.

anyways babe.   I'm at work right now.   As I get thoughts I'll type them here.  I just want you to stop being scared of me, afraid of me.  and I know you are very upset at me, and I don't know how to get you to calm down or soften up and want to talk to me.  But even after all the crazy shit that happened, and all the bad things that you didn't like...   I just want you to unblock me and talk to me.  I know that there are things that you put in place to not to...  but.  None of those things bother me, and I want you to talk to me.  I want us to fix all of this.  And no matter what relationship or situation you are in... I just want you to come talk to me please. 

Can we please just open up communications so that we can just communicate baby.  Please 😢

I miss you SO MUCH!!  you have no idea how BAD I miss you.  I can't stop thinking about you.  I don't want us to end at all.  I can't imagine you going off into the world, into Life without me.  I can't imagine not seeing you for Eternity.  I really want you in my Life so bad.  I want you to be a part of me.  I don't want to lose you.

And even if you are with your ex.  Please just talk to me.  I don't want you to be with your ex, or anybody else.  I want you to be with me.  I know we can have a perfect relationship.   And I know that I can make so many changes, and every day make even more changes, and always becoming a better person, not just to be a better person, but a better person for you.  I want to be the best guy for you.

I want to be the best boyfriend for you.  The best spouse.  The best lover.  the best husband.  the best father.  I want you to choose me, to pick me, and walk with me.  I want me and you to be deep in Love, a Love that can never be broken or shaken.

I want us to have children, to have a family, and to raise our children the best, and that they have all the support that we never had.  And for them to be secure.

I want us to be wealthy beyond our wildest imaginations.  I want all our financial goals met, all our Dreams come True, and I want both of us to be successful in all the work that it takes to get there.

I know there are many things I have to work on myself, and I will do it baby.  I cherish you, I adore you.   I want you to be as happy with me as I am with you, and I'm willing to do everything that it takes to do that.

I will continue working on all my business projects and give you updates on my progress.

You have all my information babe.  Please unblock me, and please come back.  I Love you 💗

and even if you don't want to come back right away, I will be patient.  I am patient for you.  I just want to talk.  Can we please just talk.  That would mean the world to me.   I just want to communicate with you, and hear your voice.  You are always in my Dreams.

Every night I lay down, you are in my Dreams.  I Dream about you.  I can't stop thinking about you.  All night I'm thinking about you.  All day I try to focus on things but I can't because I can't stop thinking about you.   You are always in my mind.

I truly hope that your back is doing better.  and that you aren't experiencing pain.  I really wish that everything I said, that you will believe me.  I know that you said you didn't believe me that one time and that broke my heart again.  I wish you would tell me why you didn't believe me because that is so disheartening to me.

All the things you don't like, I don't want to do those things.  I want to do the things that you want me to do, and not do the things that you don't want me to do.

But... even as social as I am... I think I have struggles with relationships.  I think I do  😞

that's why I ask you to please be patient with me.  I really don't mean a lot of the things I do that you don't like or seem wrong.   I try to see what I did wrong and fix it and change.

I Love you 💗

I MISS you!  😞

Please unblock me.  Please send me a message.  Please be mine 🤲🏼

you have my numbers, my email.  if you have any troubles contacting me, you can also leave comments here.  Hopefully I haven't said anything you don't like, but this is everything I can say from my heart right now.  I have to get back to work.   It truly is everything from the deepest most bottom of my heart.  I hope that you feel the same way that I feel about you.  You are everything to me.  I can't even imagine living my Life without you, without seeing your beautiful face.  Without you in my arms, without your arms around me telling me that you Love me too.

That would be a nightmare that would never end.  Every morning is another nightmare.  I wake up and can't stop thinking about how I lost you.  I can't even look at any other women or even want them or desire them.  

After you left me, all the other girls I saw in the City, even the prettiest ones, I wasn't even attracted to them.  Literally my attraction to them got killed.  None of them are as pretty as you.  And none of them were you.  You are the only girl I want.  The only girl I'm in Love with.

I am DEEPLY, MADLY in Love with you 💗💗💗💗

All I can do is pray every day, beg God to fix this.  beg God to bring you back, try to manipulate God, be all sad and try to make God feel sorry for me...  try to go do a bunch of good things and try to make God like me, just to try to maybe hopefully one day get you to even consider me, or unblock me, or ever get you back.

Every day I'm praying.  I pray to God, "God please bring Emily back to me"  and I pray for you too.  I pray for all the problems and things that you told me made you unhappy in Life.  I really want you to be happy.   I want everything happy for you, and I want you to be healed.  and I want you to be successful.  I want you to be wealthy.  and I want both yours and my Dreams to come True. 

every day, I am fighting for both our Dreams.  I Love you 💗  you are my MOST beautiful princess 🤲🏼👸🏼🕊️

I Love you Princess.  Please come back to me

Please find it in your heart to just at least please unblock me

Please come talk to me

I miss you SO BAD!  I miss you so much.  I am so unhappy that you don't even want to talk to me.  I wish none of this ever happened.  and I truly do want to fix everything.  And if you please give me a chance, I promise I will.  I will fix everything.  I don't want to lose you, I don't want to live Life without you.  Not having you in my Life is the most damaging most painful thing I have ever experienced.

that's all I'm asking for 😢😞